The Insanities of Politics and Cactus Juice
by MasterFirebender84
Summary: Six months after The War, Zuko is feeling the stress of his office. Concerned, Mai & Katara ask Aang & Sokka to help the Fire Lord by taking him out for a night in the Caldera Capitol City. Of course, hijinks are sure to follow Sokka wherever he goes.


...Dear God, what have I created? XD Let me tell you all now, I had an absolute _blast_ writing this crazy story, and I think it's even funnier than "A Brother's Duty". :D I seriously do hope that you find this wacky piece to be funny and very enjoyable; I put _a lot_ of effort into this one. So let's not waste any time and dive right into the madness! Enjoy the ride, and please review! :D

NOTE: I did put some Maiko in here, but I'm sure if I did the shipping any justice. :/ I normally don't ship Maiko (even though I did so in "Book 4: Air"), but I did try my best when it came to how both Zuko and Mai would interact with one another. I apologize in advance if my shipping of Maiko isn't up to par.

****DISCLAIMER**:** I do not own Avatar: The Last Airbender. The show and its characters belong to Mike and Bryan, the brillant geniuses behind one of the greatest cartoon shows in the history of cartoons. Their work is legendary, and I salute them for it.

**The Insanities of Politics and Cactus Juice**

Zuko gripped the sides of his shaggy hair, feeling like he was going to tear every solitary black strand from his head in utter frustration. Endless mountains of white parchment lay on his polished wooden desk, shadowing the young Fire Lord with their sheer size, while towering piles of scrolls surrounded his desk. Zuko's bloodshot eyes were locked on the parchment he was reading; it felt like he had been reading this colonial rights act for at least two hours.

It had been six months since Ozai was defeated and The War finally brought to end, though there was still much work for Zuko and his friends to do. Aang, Katara, Sokka, Toph, and Suki opted to stay behind in the Fire Nation to help the new Fire Lord in their quest for world peace, but the endless tirade of council meetings, tax acts, peace talks, and long nights of reading countless letters from the citizens of the world was taking its toll on Zuko.

"Zuko?" softly called out a voice, and soon the Fire Lord felt someone tap on his right shoulder.

"Ah!" suddenly cried out Zuko, whipping around to see who had touched him. Standing there was his girlfriend Mai, her amber eyes slightly wide with surprise at his sudden reaction. Zuko panted hard for a few brief moments, his buggy eyes straining to make out the newcomer. Finally recognizing her, Zuko wearily sighed and said, "Oh it's just you, Mai. Don't startle me like that."

"I wasn't trying to startle you," dryly replied Mai, her eyes regaining their regal look. She let her arms drape around Zuko's neck as he faced the desk again, crossing her hands in front of his chest. She rested her head against his, saying, "So what are you doing, Your Lordship?"

Zuko humorlessly smirked at the slightly sarcastic tone in her voice. "The usual."

"Looking over endless peace treaties, colonial rights, trade regulations, and tax acts?" guessed Mai.

"Yep," surmised Zuko, heavily sighing as he came to the part of the act where the Earth Kingdom would allow Fire Nation colonials to settle somewhere in the northern part of the continent.

"Sounds like loads of fun," said Mai, appearing quite bored by the whole thing.

Zuko let out a sardonic chuckle. "Makes you almost wish you had my job, doesn't it?"

"Not really," deadpanned Mai.

"Me neither, but someone has to do it."

"And I think they got the right person for the job," stated Mai, planting a light, feathery kiss on his cheek. Zuko smiled, despite the fact that his mind felt like it was racing up a slippery wall; while Mai might not mean a lot to other guys, she was his whole world. Their personalities just melded together so easily and so naturally, as if they had been made for one another. Whatever the reason, he truly was glad to have her by his side.

"Come on," she beckoned with a tight squeeze of her slender, robe-covered arms. "Let's go for a walk around the Palace, maybe feed the Turtle-Ducks in the garden pond."

"I wish I could," mumbled Zuko, his smile falling from his face, "but I've got at least a dozen more of these colonial rights manuscripts to go through; it'll take me all day just to finish them."

"I know, but it'll do you some good to get out of this dank, cramped office for at least a few hours."

Zuko begrudgingly sighed, knowing full well that it wasn't going to be easy convincing Mai to leave. "Mai, every hour I waste outside of this office puts me back at least half a day. I can't afford that kind of delay." He turned his head towards her and kissed her cheek, saying, "I promise that as soon as I'm done with these colonial rights papers, we'll go walking around the garden for a couple of hours."

Mai disappointedly sighed. "You said the same thing last week."

"I know, but-"

"And the week before," continued Mai, ignoring Zuko's interruption.

"Yes, I know, but-"

"And the week before that one."

Zuko was quickly losing his temper, as the throbbing vein on his head showed. "Mai-"

"And two weeks before-"

"Mai!" he angrily snapped, causing her to jump back in surprise, prying loose her hold on Zuko. "Will you just shut up and be quiet?" he forcefully shouted, rage deeply seated in his commanding voice. She stared at him with wide eyes, shocked by his sudden outburst. Zuko's vicious scowl died away, realizing the mistake he had made. He groaned as he ashamedly buried his face in his hands, leaning on the desk with his elbows. He dragged his hands down his face, trying to find some way to clear his buzzing head. Looking back at Mai, he regretfully said, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you." He sighed, his gaze falling upon the desk again. "I think the stress is getting to me…" he shamefully admitted.

Mai's face softened at Zuko's apology, though she wasn't mad at him; she knew that political office, especially the Fire Lord's, did come with overbearing stress, causing even the most sane and rational man to become a rabid and snarling monster in an instant. She leaned in towards Zuko, tenderly kissing his cheek. "I'll leave you alone for now," she said as she leaned back. Zuko gratefully nodded, trying his hardest to refocus on his work.

Without taking his eyes off of his work, Zuko said, "I'll see you later."

"Sure," sighed Mai, leaving Zuko's side and making her ways towards the door. The couple did not exchange any more words as the knife thrower stepped through the office door, gently closing it behind her. As soon as the door latched shut, Mai felt an agonizing pain take hold of her heart. She knew that she cared deeply about Zuko, and that's why it was so hard to see him tear himself apart like this because of his duty.

"Hey, Mai!" came a cheery voice from behind her. The knife thrower turned around to see Katara walking towards her, her dark brown hair billowing down her back. The Waterbender was dressed in her usual Water Tribe outfit, her water pouch attached to her hip. Katara stopped next to Mai and said, "I guess you couldn't get much of an audience with His Highness, huh?"

"Not really," admitted Mai as she glanced back at the door, hearing Zuko let out an exasperated growl of annoyance.

Katara noticed Zuko growling as well and asked, "He's still stressed out?"

Mai nodded as she looked at Katara. "The same as always: buried up to his neck in mounds of paperwork, unable to tear himself away because he feels that he'll fall behind if he does so." Mai adjusted the length of her sleeves, feeling her concealed weaponry shift around a bit as she did so.

Katara could sense the distress on Mai's face and asked, "You're worried about him, aren't you?" Mai simply nodded, not really being one to convey her emotions using words. "I'm worried about him too," sympathetically said Katara, causing the knife thrower to look up at her with a questioning look. "I mean, I care about him since he's my friend, and I know you care about him as much more than that. You are his girlfriend, after all."

Mai sighed, fiddling with a dagger that was hidden in her sleeve. "I may be his girlfriend, but I can't really remember the last time we ever did anything remotely romantic together."

"He sends you Fire Lilies," helpfully put in Katara, trying her best to cheer Mai up.

Mai smiled a little; Zuko knew that Fire Lilies were her favorite flowers, even if they were obnoxiously bright. Even when he couldn't spend time with her, he did send her those flowers to show that he was thinking about her. It may have been sappy, but it still made her smile. "That he does…" mused Mai, letting her hands fall by her sides.

"Maybe there's something we can do to help him," pondered Katara.

"What would that be?" dryly asked Mai as she looked at Katara.

Katara brightly smiled as she said, "We could ask Aang and Sokka if they would be willing to spend a night in the city with Zuko, help him to clear his head for a while."

"Zuko's too attached to his work to go gallivanting around the city with those two," retorted Mai, her voice keeping its low monotone.

Katara shrugged. "We have to try something. If we don't, he'll go crazy from stress, and I'm sure you wouldn't want that to happen to him."

Mai pondered this for a bit, weighing her options. "You're right; Zuko going crazy certainly wouldn't help our love life," she said after a minute or so. Glancing at Katara, she said, "Speaking of boyfriends, where's yours?"

Katara cheerily smiled, a light blush taking hold of her cheeks at the mention of Aang. "He and Sokka should be getting out a trade regulation meeting with the Earth Kingdom merchants in the council room, and I think Suki and Toph are with them as well."

"Guess we should make our way over there," decided Mai. Katara agreeably nodded, and the two made their way past Zuko's office door. After a few minutes of navigating twisting corridors and hallways, they came upon a set of open doors. Standing near the doors were Aang, Sokka, Toph, and Suki. Aang, whose back was towards Katara, was talking to Sokka while Toph and Suki talked off to the side.

Sokka looked over Aang's shoulder, having seen Mai and Katara approaching, and said, "Looks like you got a special visitor, buddy." Aang, who was dressed in his Master Airbender robes, turned around, his face erupting into a cheerful smile when his eyes fell upon Katara. The Waterbender couldn't help but return the smile, her heart racing with the love she felt for the Avatar. Mai merely rolled her eyes, knowing full well of the cutesy and gut-wrenchingly sappy pandering to come between Aang and Katara.

As Mai and Katara stopped near Aang and Sokka, the Avatar charmingly said, "It's an honor to be in your presence once again, ladies." Casting an affectionate glance at Katara, he smoothly added, "Especially yours, Katara." He gently took one of her hands in his, planting a loving kiss on her delicate fingers as she giggled and blushed. Mai suppressed the urge to vomit as she crossed her arms and rolled her eyes again.

"And it's an equal honor to be in your presence, Aang," Katara lovingly replied, building on the playful joke between them. Aang merely winked in reply and kissed her fingers again, causing Katara to chuckle.

"All right, enough you two," interrupted Sokka, batting away Aang's soft grip on Katara's hand. "The last thing we need is for you two to start making out."

Katara rolled her eyes; her brother may have approved of her relationship with Aang, but that didn't stop him from messing with them. "Our kisses are sweet and tender, Sokka," she stated, and to emphasize her point she gave Aang a deep kiss on his lips. Aang smiled as he leaned into the kiss, the two of them separating after a few seconds with warm smiles. Turning her attention back to Sokka, she said, "See?"

Sokka smugly smirked, thinking of more ways to tease his sister and her boyfriend. "Don't you remember the last time I saw you guys making out? I'm pretty sure I saw some tongue action there."

Katara growled her annoyance, her cheeks flushing crimson. "There was no tongue!" she protested.

"Then why were Aang's cheeks bulging?" chuckled Sokka, eliciting an exasperated groan from Katara.

"Don't let him get to you, Katara," sweetly said Aang as he took hold of Katara's hand, causing her to look at him and his loving smile. He nuzzled her nose as he lovingly said, "No one needs to tell me how much I enjoy your kisses."

"Oh stop it, you big sap," teased Katara, enjoying their close proximity with one another. Mai considered using her knives to pin Aang against the wall and end this pointless mush, but she decided against this; after all, she did need Aang and Sokka's help with Zuko…that, and Katara would probably blast her away with Waterbending. Mai decided that it would be best not to upset her ally, so she kept her knives concealed.

After nuzzling Katara, Aang noticed Mai and said, "I didn't expect to see you here, Mai. I would have thought that you'd be hanging out with Zuko."

"Zuko's not in much of a position to be 'hanging out' with me," replied Mai, seeing Toph and Suki join them out of the corner of her eye. She sidled herself up as she said, "Katara and I have a favor to ask of you and Sokka."

"Oh really?" asked Aang with a raised eyebrow, casting a sideways glance at Katara.

Katara nodded and, with a thickly sweet voice, said, "Mai and I would _really_ appreciate it if you and Sokka would take Zuko out for a night in the Capitol City. We both feel that Zuko's way too stressed about his position as the Fire Lord, and we think that hanging out with you two will help clear his head."

"We'll do it!" exclaimed Sokka without any preamble. "I've wanted to get a guys' night together for almost three months, but Zuko's been too busy for us to do that."

"So when do we leave?" eagerly asked Toph, causing everyone to look at her.

Sokka nervously rubbed the back of his head, apprehension clear on his face. "Umm, Toph…I said that it was a _guy's_ night out."

"So?" asked Toph with a nonchalant shrug of her shoulders.

"…You're not a guy," glumly stated Sokka, fearing that Toph might violently retaliate at his statement. "You're a _girl_."

Toph scoffed, blowing a bang out of her face. "Sokka, you've known me long enough to know that I'm not exactly into all that girly stuff." Sokka opened his mouth to speak, but Toph said, "Besides, I act more like a guy than you do on a regular basis."

"Hey!" indignantly exclaimed Sokka while everyone else just merrily laughed.

Toph smugly chuckled, amusement sparkling in her pale green eyes as the laughter died down. "I'm just messin' with ya, Snoozles."

"I'm sure you were," sarcastically muttered Sokka under his breath, turning his attention back to Mai. "Aang and I will do whatever we can to help Zuko relax," he assured the knife thrower with a smile.

"Just do what you can," said Mai before turning around and going back the way she came. Over her shoulder, she said, "Thanks for the help, you two."

"You're welcome!" Aang cheerily called to Mai, eliciting a small but grateful smile from her before she returned her attention to walking.

Suddenly, a loud rumbling sound filled the air, and everyone could hear that the sound was emanating from Sokka's stomach. "Oh man," he moaned as he clutched his stomach, hunger clear on his face. "I haven't eaten anything in the last few hours."

Suki chuckled as she said, "But you had breakfast this morning, Sokka. Surely you can't be hungry now."

"You kidding?" laughed Toph. "This is Sokka we're talking about; he's _always _eating."

"Ha ha," sarcastically muttered Sokka as he rolled his eyes. "I was thinking about talking to Zuko just now, but I think that can wait until after I've had a few boxes of Fire Flakes."

"Count us in too," unanimously said Suki and Toph at the same time, following Sokka as he made his way down the hall. Soon Aang and Katara were left alone, their hands still connected.

"Thank you so much for doing this," sincerely said Katara, a tender smile on her face.

Aang warmly smiled as he kissed her nose and said, "You know I'd do anything for you, Katara."

Katara kissed his nose in return. "I know," she softly said, affectionately nuzzling her nose against his, "and that's why I'm lucky to have you."

Aang chuckled. "That makes two of us," he cheerfully said as he rested his forehead against her, smiling as he stared deeply into her bright sapphire eyes. She smiled just as broadly as him, nothing but pure love and tranquility passing between them.

After a light peck on the lips, the two of them separated as Katara said, "I've got one other tiny favor to ask of you."

"What's that?"

"Be sure Sokka doesn't do anything stupid tonight," instructed Katara, and the two of them smirked at that statement.

"As if Sokka could ever do anything _stupid_," joked Aang, eliciting an amused chuckle from Katara.

"I know, right?" joked Katara in return, playing along with Aang. "But seriously, can you make sure he doesn't ruin tonight?"

Aang assuredly smiled, kissing her forehead as he said, "I promise. Zuko's going to have the best time of his life tonight."

"I'm glad," said Katara with a smile, gently squeezing her boyfriend's hand. The two of them made their way to the dining hall, where they met Sokka, Suki, and Toph. While there, they discussed what should be done for the guys' night out.

At one point, Sokka said, "I don't know how we're going to get Zuko to leave his office."

* * *

><p>"I still can't believe you guys got me to leave my office," grumbled Zuko as he held his cup of Ginseng tea, hunching himself over the bar he, Aang, and Sokka were sitting at. The three of them were at the <em>Caldera Dragon<em>, a branch of Iroh's _Jasmine Dragon_, which resided in the Fire Nation Capitol City. The Fire Lord was dressed in his regular tunic, an outfit he had in case he wished to relax after working for days on end. Aang and Sokka were dressed the same as before, Aang in his Master Airbender robes and Sokka in his usual Water Tribe tunic.

Aang, who was on Zuko's right, shrugged his shoulders as he said, "Sokka and I really weren't the ones you convinced you to take the night off."

"Yeah," chimed in Sokka from Zuko's left, who also had a cup of Ginseng. "Mai and Katara were the ones who kept asking you until you caved in. Well, Katara was the one who repeatedly asked, but you caved in after Mai asked you once, which was kind of weird…but it makes sense because they would have kept bothering you about it until you gave in."

"That's girls for you," mumbled Zuko, glaring at his tea as if it had destroyed all of his paperwork. "We men are powerless against them." Sokka nodded knowingly, thinking of all the arguments he had lost to Suki. Actually, he had done so in order to make her feel happy, like he was willing to go with her side. He didn't mind, of course; he loved to see Suki happy, but that didn't mean he could completely give into her. He still maintained his own sense of pride and dignity.

Aang frowned slightly. "That's not true. Katara and I both have an equal say in our relationship."

Zuko humorlessly rolled his eyes as he said, "That's because you two are total saps for each other."

"I gotta agree with Zuko," said Sokka as he gestured to the Fire Lord. "Sure, you and my sister look good together, but you guys are so sappy that Appa could mistake you for honey."

Aang shrugged. "That's just how we show our love for each other. There's nothing wrong with that." He brightly smiled. "I want nothing more than for Katara to be happy with me, to see her smile because she knows that she loves me."

"Despite the fact that you make everyone else toss up their lunches at the sight of you two," jokingly chuckled Sokka, making Aang's face scrunch with annoyance. Even Zuko had an amused smirk on his face, knowing that what Sokka had said was true.

"Whatever," muttered Aang, half-hurt and half-annoyed by Sokka's teasing. Turning to Zuko, he said, "I'm still surprised that we managed to get the palanquin bearers to let you walk with us."

Zuko chuckled as he turned his head towards Aang, letting go of his tea cup. "Yeah, those guys are always insisting that I go everywhere on a palanquin, even if I was just going across the street." As Zuko was talking, Aang could see Sokka swap his and Zuko's cup. Aang thought that this was strange, but decided to say nothing about it. After all, this was Sokka; even after so long of knowing him, there were still times that he didn't understand what the Water Tribesman did.

Aang chuckled at Zuko's statement and said, "Yeah, that is pretty ridiculous. I also thought it was kind of funny how, as we were walking along, people would bow to you."

Zuko's amused smirk fell. "That's because they know who I am," he said in a deadpan. "They know that I'm the Fire Lord, so they're just showing their respect for me." His smirk returned. "Though now I can say I know you feel, getting that sort of treatment from people because of your status as the Avatar." Aang smiled and affirmatively nodded at this, knowing what Zuko was saying was true. "What I'm surprised at is the fact that you can keep your head straight in the middle of all this political madness."

"Oh trust me, Zuko," said Aang, "I'm feeling just as stressed as you are." Zuko incredulously raised his good eyebrow. Seeing that Zuko was doubtful, he said, "I have Katara to thank for keeping me sane these past six months." Aang fondly smiled, and Zuko knew that the young Avatar was thinking about his girlfriend. "Anytime I feel like I'm going to tear my arrows off, Katara's love brings me back to reality. If it weren't for her-"

"How about a toast?" suddenly cut in Sokka, holding up his (or rather Zuko's) cup with a forced smile. Aang and Zuko looked at Sokka with surprise, but the tribesman clarified by saying, "A toast to Zuko, and to the hope that his reign will be long and prosperous."

"I'll drink to that," agreed Aang as he held up his own cup of Ginseng.

"To world peace," proposed Zuko, holding up his (or rather Sokka's) cup, "and to the hope that we'll fix this world…together." Both Aang and Sokka smiled, and the three comrades clinked their cups together. They each took a swig of their tea, setting their cups back on the bar counter with a satisfied sigh.

Aang suddenly saw Zuko stiffen up after several seconds, his eyes going wide. Concerned, Aang looked over at the Fire Lord as he asked, "Are you okay, Zuko?" Several other patrons at the tea shop noticed Aang speaking and glanced over with nervous looks. Sokka looked like he was suppressing a snicker, but Aang didn't seem to notice him.

Zuko's pupils fully dilated, drowning out his amber irises until only black holes remained. A dreamy, sweetly-induced smile took hold of his lips, his face becoming completely relaxed. "WAHOO!" he suddenly shouted, jumping out of his seat and onto the bar counter. Aang frightfully jumped, and Sokka looked like he was struggling to hold it all in. "Look at me!" Zuko gleefully shouted for all to hear. "I'm a pretty little dancer, and I love rainbows and sparkly things!" He started to gracefully dance on the counter, though 'gracefully' was a loose way to describe what the Fire Lord was doing. It looked more like an apathetic and vegetative Sloth-Koala who was trying to dance a lively jig in the middle of a tropical storm and an earthquake. Every so often he would let out a sudden hiccup, which would result in fire being snorted out of his nose.

Suddenly, Zuko shed his tunic, leaving him completely bare expect for a pair of blazing briefs that fortunately covered his 'royal parts'. With several stumbling, bounding leaps, he jumped out the door as he childishly shouted, "Look out, world! Here comes Zuzu!" Aang continued to stare in dumbfounded shock as the Fire Lord pranced through the nighttime streets, spewing nonsensical things like "I'm a pink dragon with a mustache, four flying Goat-Pigs, and a tropical island full of custard pies!", "I've lost my golden Tiger-Seal Mr. Foopakins; have you seen him? He's got silver wings and a funny beard, and he likes to drink tea.", and "I LOVE SHINY THINGS AND PURPLE-SPECKLED LEMURS!"

Soon the almost-bare Zuko rounded a corner, out of the sight of Aang and Sokka. It took several seconds for Aang to process what had just occurred, and when he did he asked, "What in the name of the Spirits just happened?" Sokka bust out laughing, falling off of his stool as he doubled over on the floor. Aang jumped off his chair, landing on his feet as he looked down at his companion. "This isn't funny, Sokka!" Aang exclaimed. "Something's seriously wrong with Zuko!"

"Oh, ho ho ha ha ha!" laughed Sokka as he picked himself up off the floor, wiping away merry tears from his eyes. "That"-snicker-"that was priceless! Did you even hear half of the things that Zuko was saying?"

"This is serious!" screamed Aang, gaining Sokka's full attention. Aang gasped, remembering that Sokka had swapped the tea cups _on purpose_; he had done something to his own tea cup and, when he gave it to Zuko, caused the strange and unexpected reaction he had just witnessed. "What did you do to Zuko's cup?" angrily demanded Aang.

Sokka was slowly gaining his composure back, though occasional snickers and chuckles did escape out of him. "Do you remember all the trade regulation meetings we've been having with the Earth Kingdom merchants over the past month or so?"

"Of course I do!" impatiently replied Aang, annoyance clear on his face. "We were both at those meetings! The Earth Kingdom wanted to export some kind of relaxative elixir that was made from a special plant to the Fire Nation, as well as other food items and material supplies that could help increase trade between the two nations. As far as I can remember, the elixir was something that had come up a couple of months after we were in the Si Wong Desert. What about it?"

"I happen to have that elixir on me," announced Sokka, producing a small vial from within his tunic. "Well, I did have it on me until I slipped it into my tea, which I swapped with Zuko's."

"Why would you do that?" yelled Aang. "Wait, what exactly _is _the elixir?"

Sokka nervously fidgeted, looking rather uncomfortable at the moment. "…Cactus Juice," he timidly muttered.

Aang's jaw dropped in utter shock, his back feeling like a dozen lead blocks were weighing it down. "You imported _Cactus Juice_ to the _Fire Nation_?" he forcefully shouted at the top of his lungs, which was considerably loud due to the fact that he was an Airbender and could force the air in his lungs to come out much louder when he spoke. Of course, Aang didn't intend to amplify his voice; it was just the sheer _stupidity_ of what Sokka had done that caused him to temporarily lose control of his Airbending. Everyone in the tea shop reacted, covering their ears as Aang's shouting split their ears.

When Aang had finally settled, Sokka cleared his ears as he defensively said, "Well, technically _both_ of us were getting ready to import Cactus Juice, but it seemed like a good idea at the time! I thought that people here in the Fire Nation needed to just let loose every once in a while! Plus, the Cactus Juice hasn't actually been exported to the Fire Nation just yet. The merchants gave me this small vial of the stuff to test out before we finished the trade agreements."

"You know what Cactus Juice does to people!"

"Exactly!" brightly reasoned Sokka. "This stuff is just a little more powerful than the natural stuff; I was going to test it on myself tonight, but when Mai and Katara asked us to help Zuko relax, I decided to use the Cactus Juice on _him_ instead." His face excitedly lit up as he said, "Oh, and wait until you hear the tagline I came up with for when merchants finally get to selling this stuff!" He cleared his throat and, with dramatic hand motions, proclaimed, "Drink Cactus Juice! It'll quench ya! Nothin's quenchier! It's the quenchiest!"

Aang loudly groaned as he slapped a hand to his head arrow, slowly dragging it down his exasperated face. "Sokka, don't you realize what this means?"

Sokka thought about what Aang had said for a bit, and then responded, "That I need to get more Cactus Juice?"

"Argh! NO!" Aang shouted. Pointing out the open door, he said, "The Fire Lord is running around the Caldera Capitol City _in his briefs_!"

Sokka blinked. "Oh," he meekly uttered as the replaced the vial in his tunic. "I guess we should go and catch him then, huh?"

"That's the idea," dryly growled Aang, still feeling very much displeased with Sokka. _Focus, Aang,_ he told himself. _Don't let your anger get the best of you. Sokka made a mistake, that's all. A completely stupid, bone-headed, and reckless mistake, but a mistake nonetheless. Besides, I'm sure Katara's going to give an earful later when she finds out about what he did._

Taking a cleansing breath, he quickly said, "Let's go!" He and Sokka bolted out the door, running down the street as they passed by several stunned onlookers. They rounded the corner where Zuko had turned only to find themselves in a public square. "This is bad," fearfully said Aang, hastily shifting his gaze around the crowd for any sign of the drunken Fire Lord. _How can anyone _not_ be reacting to him?_

"It could be worse," prompted Sokka, also looking around the sea of Fire Nation citizens. "He could be Firebending-" Sokka never got to finish his sentence because, at that moment, a fireworks cart on the other side of the plaza erupted into a shower of sparks and screeching rockets. Everyone hit the deck, screaming for their lives as the fireworks flew overhead. Aang quickly sprang into action, jumping into the fray and rapidly spinning his arms around, deflecting the rockets upward on a continuous gust of air. Once all the rockets had been taken care of, Aang looked down to see Zuko, still-drunk, giggling over by the smoldering remains of the fireworks cart. "I had to open my big mouth," grumbled Sokka as he trotted up alongside Aang.

"Stop this, Zuko!" called Aang. The inept Fire Lord lazily glanced over at Aang, a strange smile coming over his visage as he hiccupped/snorted fire. "Come on, Zuko!" he called again, jogging over to the Firebender as the citizens began to get up.

"Nothing going on here, folks!" announced Sokka as he gestured for the gathering crowd to shoo. "Just go on back to your homes and pretend that nothing happened!"

"Why is the Fire Lord running around in his briefs?" asked a man from the crowd.

"Has His Highness lost his mind?" inquired a woman.

"Explain yourself, Water Tribesman!" demanded an elderly man.

Sokka nervously glanced around at the surging crowd, his mind working at full speed as he tried to find a way to convince these people. "This is all, uh…just a drill."

"A drill?" asked a Fire Nation Captain who had been in the square with his soldiers.

"Yeah!" speedily confirmed Sokka, seeing Aang take Zuko down a side alley out of the corner of his eye. He could have sworn that Aang was leading Zuko with a sweet roll, but he dismissed the sight for now; he had to get this crowd to go away. "This is all just a drill in case, uh…in case anyone tried to give the Fire Lord a sort of, um…hallucinogenic drink that would make him go crazy. The guy who you all _thought_ was the Fire Lord is actually an actor from the Ember Island Players. You know, sort of like the guy who played Zuko in the play 'The Boy in the Iceberg'?" A murmur of acknowledgement and affirmation coursed its way through the crowd, indicated by the slight nodding of heads.

"Oh yeah," said a burly man. "My wife loves that play!"

"So do my two daughters!" chimed in another woman. Her children agreeably nodded.

"Wow, that costume sure had me fooled!" exclaimed a young man.

"I didn't think we had drills for this sort of thing," mused a Firebender soldier.

"Hey, it could happen," stated a regular soldier with a shrug of his amor-plated shoulders.

"So that actor's a Firebender, then?" asked an old woman.

"Yep!" chirped Sokka, beaming with pride at how well this situation was going. "And let me tell you, the guy's a natural when it comes to being crazy! I mean, he's an actor; aren't they all crazy?" The crowd roared with laughter, and soon they began to disperse. "Thank you all for enjoying the show!" he called out to them as they went their respective ways. "Be sure to tell everyone you meet about this show!" he shouted. "That way, everyone knows what's going on!" The crowd promised to do so, sending a huge wave of relief through Sokka.

"Be sure to give that actor my regards," said the Captain as he and his men came up to Sokka. "He's a fine performer."

"Will do, sir!" assured Sokka with a cheery smile and cheesy salute, which the Captain jokingly returned before they went their separate ways. Once Sokka was sure that his plan had worked, he immediately bolted for the side alley. He found himself shrouded by darkness, but there was just enough light for him to see Aang leaning against the wall and Zuko lying on the ground, munching on the remains of a sweet roll. Sokka collapsed on the wall next to Aang and tiredly said, "That was _way_ too close."

"No kidding," agreed Aang, his forehead creased with anxiety. "I had to Airbend a sweet roll from a nearby pastry cart and use it to lead Zuko down here."

"I saw that," commented Sokka, turning his gaze towards the drooling Zuko, who was haphazardly munching on his sweet roll.

"How did you manage to make sure no one would follow us?" asked Aang while Sokka looked back up at the Avatar.

"Get this," chuckled Sokka. "I told them that everything they had seen was a staged drill in order to prepare for when the Fire Lord drinks something that's hallucinogenic and that the person who they _thought_ was Zuko was actually an actor from the Ember Island Players."

Aang blinked several times as his brain tried to process the improbable thing that Sokka had just said. "And they all bought it?" he finally asked after several moments of silence, in which Zuko finished off his sweet roll with a satisfied sigh.

"Hook, line, and sinker," smugly smirked Sokka, crossing his arms in front of his chest like he done the most amazing thing in the entire world…which in a sense, he had.

Suddenly, a fireball smashed into the space between them, making them both fly back from each other with startled cries. They looked down to see Zuko's extended fist, which was still smoking from his recent Firebending. "You're mine, Avatar," he wildly growled, his hazy amber eyes burning bright with a strange sort of light.

"Oh great," moaned Aang. "Now's he back to the way he was when he chased us around the world!"

"I didn't think Cactus Juice could do that," mused Sokka as Zuko slowly stood up, his drunken face comically contorted into a half-snarl, half-scowl.

"I will restore my honor by capturing you," slurred Zuko, taking a lumbering step towards Aang. "Mark my words, I'll-" He was promptly cut off by copious amounts of dirt filling his mouth as his face hit the ground. Just as quickly as he had fallen, Zuko looked up from his face-plant. Much to Aang and Sokka's combined disgust, Zuko swallowed the dirt and toothily grinned, his teeth coated with the filthy stuff. "Hehe, dirt tastes good," he snickered before he hiccupped/snorted fire once more.

At that moment, Aang and Sokka heard a voice coming from the square they had been in. "Aang! Sokka! Zuko!" called out a feminine voice, concern and worry obvious in her tone. "Where are you?"

Aang gasped as his eyes widened; it was Katara. "Get Zuko to his feet," he quickly ordered, making his way past Sokka towards the end of the alley where they had come from.

"Alright, Mr. Fire Lord," said Sokka as he sidled up next to Zuko, stooping down by his side. "Up and at 'em."

"I love you," giggled Zuko, fire blasting out of his nose in another hiccup/snort.

Sokka resisted the urge to vomit, putting on a forcefully cheery smile as he patted the Firebender's arm and said, "That's nice."

As Sokka began to pick up Zuko, Aang stood at the end of the alley. He could see Katara frantically looking around the square, which was still full of people. "Katara!" he called out to her, waving his arms in order to get her attention. "Over here!" She quickly spotted him, her eyes going wide when she saw him. She hastily ran towards him, ducking in and out of people as she made her way towards Aang.

When she finally reached Aang, she threw her arms around his neck, pulling him into an embrace that he readily returned. "Thank La you're safe!" she gratefully said. Pulling back from him, she concernedly added, "I saw the fireworks go off from back at the Palace, and I was worried that something had happened to you, Sokka, and Zuko. I ran here as fast as I could."

Aang sweetly kissed her forehead, soothingly saying, "Sokka and I are fine, Katara, and so is Zuko. There's nothing to be worried about."

She chastely kissed his lips, whispering, "Please don't scare me like that. I thought that maybe some rebels had found you."

"We have bigger problems to deal with than rebels," grimly stated Aang, eliciting a perplexed and confused look from Katara. "Come on," he said, taking hold of her hand and leading her into the alley.

When they entered the alley, they saw that Sokka had helped Zuko to his feet, keeping his arm around the Firebender's shoulder in order to support his weight. "Oh hey, Katara," cheerily said Sokka. "Lovely night for a walk, isn't it?"

Her first thought: _This has to be Sokka's doing._

Her second thought: _Zuko's not wearing any clothes expect for his briefs._

Her third thought: _Sokka's the reason why Zuko's not wearing any clothes._

Her fourth thought: _This is going to be a _long_ night._

Finally, she heavily sighed and asked, "What's wrong with Zuko?" Aang and Sokka exchanged nervous glances, both of them hesitant to tell her of Zuko's true condition. Finally, Aang took it upon himself to tell her the whole story. Zuko hiccupped his fire snorts every once in a while but otherwise remained quiet, an intoxicated smile taking hold of his face. Katara's expression had gone from confused to slightly peeved, disgusted, and then finally just out right furious. Snapping her head towards Sokka, she screamed, "You gave Zuko _Cactus Juice?_ Are you insane?"

"I thought it would help him relax-"

"Relax?" indignantly snapped Katara. "Drove him completely mad is more like it!" She angrily pinched the bridge of her nose, lines creasing themselves into her forehead. "Did you even _consider_ what this would to do Zuko's reputation?"

"Not really," admitted Sokka with a modest shrug, making his sister groan with annoyance. "_But_," he quickly added with a pointed finger, "I did a way to make sure that no knows that this is actually Zuko."

Katara hoarsely sighed. "Sokka, no one would be dumb enough to believe that the Fire Lord wasn't running around in his briefs just now."

Sokka deviously smirked as he slyly said, "Not unless you lie." Seeing Katara's quizzical expression, he told her of how he had convinced the citizens that the whole thing was just a drill and that Zuko was really an actor from the Ember Island Players, pretending that he was under the influence of a hallucinogenic drink.

When Sokka had finished telling his story, Katara slowly said, "Huh…I guess some people _are_ dumb enough to believe anything."

"All thanks to my genius," proudly said Sokka, making both Aang and Katara sarcastically roll their eyes.

"Hey Katara," slurred Zuko suddenly, causing everyone to look at him. "How 'bout"-hiccup-"how 'bout a kiss, Kitten?"

Katara's face went completely aghast. "Wha- NO! I am _not_ your Kitten, and I am _not_ giving you a kiss!"

"Good," hiccupped Zuko, "'cause you sure are UGGGLY!" Aang and Sokka's jaws went completely slack, dropping to their utmost limit. They slowly looked at Katara, who was shaking with so much livid rage that it almost seemed like she was bouncing around in an earthquake.

"OH YOU ARE _SO_ DEAD!" screamed Katara, tearing herself from Aang's grip and storming over towards the drunken Fire Lord before Aang could stop her.

"Hehe," giggled Zuko, "I think Kitty's angry-" Katara's fist connected with his face at that moment, sending him sprawling him out of Sokka's grasp and into the dirt, knocking him out cold.

* * *

><p>"I think he's coming around," said a fuzzy voice as Zuko's eyes slowly creaked open, his head pounding as if someone were smashing a dozen hammers into his temple. With blurry and hazy eyes, Zuko slowly looked around to see that he was in his room, all of his friends surrounding his bed. He had on crimson robes, and his whole body was covered with a maroon blanket. He could feel someone holding his hand, and he knew from the touch that it was Mai.<p>

"Welcome back to the land of the living, Sparky," cheerfully quipped Toph, who was at the foot of bed. Mai and Suki were on Zuko's left, while Aang, Katara, and Sokka were on his right. Even though his mind was still foggy, he could see that Katara was giving her brother such a deadly and harsh glare that it made Sokka quiver where he stood.

"…What happened?" croaked Zuko, the pounding in his head now turning to a sharp, piercing pain that stabbed through his tender brain.

"I believe Sokka has the answer," angrily said Katara, violently nudging her elbow into Sokka's arm. Sokka gave his enraged sister a nervous glance, remembering just how hours before she had been yelling at him so hard that her face had turned the exact shade of the Fire Lord's Palace. It had seemed to him that she intended to throw him into the ocean for his 'mistake', but Aang's calm and soothing demeanor had brought her down from her violent high. Oh, it would be many, _many_ months from now before he stopped getting those burning looks from her, and that thought alone twisted his gut with heart-wrenching fear.

And so, Sokka told Zuko of the mad antics and hijinks that had taken place during his intoxication. Sokka's gaze would occasionally shift over towards Katara, whose hard eyes made him refocus on the recovering Fire Lord. He made sure to include all the details in order to make sure that his sister was satisfied that the job was being done correctly. However, Katara did apologize for having punched Zuko, and she stated that she had healed his broken jaw after they got him back to the Palace. When Sokka finally finished, the room was quiet for several minutes. Hesitantly, Sokka asked, "So…did last night help at all?"

Zuko blinked several times, trying to regain control of his senses. He gave a slight chuckle, realizing just how insane last night had been. "Yeah…" he dryly said, "because I've realized something…"

"What's that?" Sokka hopefully asked, feeling Katara's eyes bore into his back.

Zuko smirked. "While my job may be miserable, it's nothing compared to what I have in mind for you."

Sokka nervously gulped. "And w-what exactly do you have in mind for me?"

Zuko's smirk grew.

Sokka's job for the next two months?

Cleaning every floor in the Royal Palace _with his tongue_.


End file.
